crossroads

in another few days
and i shall meet my fate.

been reading others blog and found out that they have found jobs
and me, still sitting around doing nothing how can on
shopping 7 days a week
how can one be such aimless?
seriously, i really do not know what to do
not sure if i can grad
not sure if i can enter into uni of my choice
or maybe even not sure what am i going to do tommorrow

some have found jobs in MNCs
as what executive "whatsoever" one
some very bombastic title which i cannot remember

they have good results, nice transcripts
and have skills that are "too good for the company"
what do i have?
nothing.
just loads of shopping skills...
which boutique is having sale storewide, where to get that bag, skirt... *and the list goes on*
but nothing that will put me in good position to get hold of any jobs at big company, MNCs and have bombastic titles

sometimes i wonder
how worthy am i?
i feel so worthless

friends around me say it makes no different if i have a job or not
i have my parents anway.
at the end of the day i still get pocket money to shop
i am still that girl my mummy and daddy will pamper no matter what.

but i don't want to be living off my parents forever.
turning 20 soon
with no job and nothing under my belt
and still living off my parents
i am not retarded or what. i don't have down syndrome or whatsoever
that i cannot contribute to my family
and still need them to provide me for meals and all
i do not want to be so useless

i just pissed off right now
this feeling of aimlesness is making me very scared and uncertain
i feel very unsecure
and all these uneasiness is making me sink into another bout of depression

ps: i have said before that no matter what i do i will not regret when i look back in life, but now when i look back at things, i am starting to regret the decisions that i have made in life. sometimes its better being retarded and not having to worry about the world around you.