still there

after all these years,
i have realise that i am still walking in this same maze as i have walk into 3 years ago.
its been so long already and i have neither come out of it happily nor given up walking out of it. sometimes i wonder, why am i turning myself into such a pathetic person for him?
as if he would reciprocate them.
if he would, i would not mind if it takes 10yrs to walk out of that maze with victory
but its obvious that i would not happen that way.
why have i ended in such a pathetic state? WHY?!
i hate myself for this,
i have lost all faith and hope in him.
its time i give up totally.
there will be no silver lining.