decipher that

seriously, i don't understand what he is thinking
i need something that can help me decipher what is running in his head.
its making me very confuse, fustrated and broken.

i hope there is hidden meaning to what he is saying,
a hidden meaning that is good.
but i don't wanna have hopes flying to high
so i will tell myself its not such a case.

if i hadn't talk to him
i doubt he will even open his damn mouth.
seriously, what is his problem?!
its so hard to understand things
especially such complex things

probably things where so simple and straightforward
only that i have make it complex so that the truth can be hidden and i will still think that there is hope in it. probably there is none in the first place. its all false pretence.

probably May was right.
i should never expect too much from anyone, even him
probably, his intial intention was just so simple, only i have made it look like theres something more to it. and thus make me think that there is still a chance.
uncomplicate them and i think i see the truth - no hope, no chance, no nothing

its obvious, only i chose to be oblivious to it. i think all third party saw it, only they didn't wanted to say fearing that it might have hurt me. tell me the truth, i would hurt, but i can take it. i have been hurt so many times, a few more wouldn't harm. one hurt is pain, two hurts is still pain, it doesn't make much difference. i can withstand it, i think. only that i wish the pain was like skinned knees, because its easier to fix than broken hearts.

ask me if i still have hope, i would still say yes.
i still hope things where not what i think they are.
call me stupid - yes i am.
call me idiot - yes i am.
only till the day i know the whole truth,
i will not give up hope.
i still believe.

ps: its hard to understand what i am saying.