exhausted. very.

i am really really very tired.
slpy and completely drained out.
these exams are taking a toll on me.
the daily dose of chicken essence and ginseng don't seem to help now.
i need my special dose of J. HAHA.
its powerful enough to resurrect the dead. MUHAHA.

another reason why i am so tired its because an old issue.
i hate ppl threatening me, asking me to lead my life the way they want!
don't threaten me. i am not afraid of it. it will never work.
its my life, so don't tell me what i should do with it.
i know its out of concern but i am happy the way i am now,
why do you need to care about what others think,
if i don't give a damn to their comments why should you?!
on what grounds are they making such assumptions?
i don't care about what others think, and i think you should too.
and please stop saying that its making you mei mian zi,
if thats really the case, i think its your problem and not mine.
its always about the "saving face" issue.
everytime, we always make each other unhappy because of this problem. GRR!

yes, i ought to be studying now. time is running out and i know nothing!
WAH!. gonna be so dead.

if i could see you now.

Random

took a cab back today
with may and jas...
and the driver is super duper blur
does hougang ave 6 sounds like sixth avenue?
hAha...

ate mac just now,
and felt really sinful lehs.
haha... too much food over the weekend le,
and now still eat mac.

and yes, i will prove may and jas wrong.
they know what i am referring to.
and from now on, when i write about some things, i will specify whom i am referring to, if not there will be too many speculations that are very worth laughing about.
HAHA.

and i was talking with may and jas today (although i ought to be studying) about one of our sec sch friend,
and may asked me... is jeremy the one?
hmm... haven really thought about it
because yah... things are still premature.
and seriously i don't know.
if yes its because of that stability and security ba. i think he is dependable.
if no, its because of our personality and character. huge difference.
but like i say... things are still really premature. very.


this is really sad.


who will make my eiffel tower dream come true?

Shrinking!

dinner at Goodwood Park Hotel.
was nice... very...
i like the deserts best. ITS ICE CREAM!
and hohoho... i gonna be fat.

kinda feeling moody now.
cos' i just realised i cannot meet him next week too...
he is in field camp...
that makes it to 5 weeks.
the earliest day i could meet him would be probably 10th nov,
and that's very very long...
hais.
just hope that day arrives soon and things will just go smoothly for the next few days.

my wishlist keeps getting longer and longer.
and my bank account is shrinking at an astonishing rate!

Sucky.

FUCK LA.
army sucks lo.
HOW COME BOOK OUT ON SUNDAY?!
and i need to mug tmr.
this is so irritating.
army screwed my day.

if my daddy becomes the president,
i will make sure that defence minister resigns,
and the army company/platoon commando got de-moted.
HAHA.
if only...

4 weeks...
freaking one month never see him le.
shld have met that night...
darn. i know i will regret someday,
and now i am.

why am i always doing things and making decisions that i will regret later?

2 more to go!

2 papers down... 2 more to go
and i think "distinctions are waving good bye to me"
GRR!
studied alot but somehow my mind goes blank the moment i enter that hall.
Stress? probably...
and i think too much stress backfires everything.
but how can there not be stress,
there is this invisible burden on me.
the burden to perform well and not let anyone down, do my mum proud and score well...
i don't know how to turn these stress into a motivation, the motivation to do well.
i crack under stress...
THIS IS SO BLOODY BAD.

ain't slping well
but i manage to dream of him...
when you appear in my dreams, things are just so perfect in there.
but in reality, its always opposite. how some huh?
HA.
someone very "wise" once said "you've got to MAKE things happen and not wait for them to happen"
but you need to hands to clap, isn't it?

if someone can sing Jesse MacCartney's "Come to Me" to me... i'll probably marry you...
Let me be the one,
Holding you every night.
Sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
Let me be the one,
Loving you when you're weak.
For all of the strength you need,
You can come to me.

you make me feel that everything in life is worth living for.

disappointed

felt so disappointed in myself
i think i have let everyone down, including myself.
i did studied hard for the paper
but somehow it was so difficult.

effort does not equals to results and
DAMN, i have prove it.
i don't want anything now,
i just hope the 3 other paper will be a breeze.
and my GPA would be in my acceptable range.

although that reply was nothing out of the ordinary,
the clouds over my head don't seem so thick now.
thanks for making my day right, somehow.

please make everything go well. that's my one and only wish now.

The best Monday ever!

mondAy... never felt so good.
because tmr is tuesday... and its his birthday!
we will be meeting soon... like this weekend. hopefully. if nothing goes wrong.

another reason why this monday felt so good was because
the doctor says that swelling is nothing much then just a swelling of the salivary gland.why it happens, i don't know. never asked or maybe i wasn't hearing him talk.
it was a painful procedure though, cos i had to do the la- someting-scope, putting that micro mini camera through your nose down to the throat. THAT WAS VERY BAD. i wanted to cry but no tears came out. wanted to shout but no voice came out. wanted to kill that doctor but i had no knife... HAHA.
i am just glad...

its exactly 2200hrs. in another 2 hrs it will be his birthday, and i will be the first to wish him... HAHA
wohoo! (i feel like its my birthday too...)

accounting paper on wednesday.
mugging hard.
prices and markets on friday.
praying hard.

Spreading Happiness

i am happy...
because... i am not very sure either
just feeling happy.
all i know is that you're the reason why i am happy.

3 weeks.
i haven seen him for 3 weeks.
but soon i will see him...
SOON.

need to jian fei le
ate too much over the weekend.
grr! i don't like when i eat too much,
feeling guilty and sinful.
jian fei jian fei

tmr morning, need to go the doc's office
hope things will be fine.

may did not remove her ugly toenail.
haha.
somehow it reminds me of that very gory movie "Hostel"
EWW!...
and speaking of toenail, i painted them blue just now
from olive metallic green to blue.
i want the colour of shocking pink and neon yellow.

anyway, this post is a little meaningless.
nothing to write
just wanna say i am happy.
never felt such happiness for quite a while
even though studying for exams is tiring, but i am still feeling happy. weird huh.
exams. i need to maximise my brain power.
ginseng tea, chicken essence, Nescafe Latte, bird nest...
my main course every day. HAHA.

woohoo! happy happy happy!
spreading happiness to everyone. !

[this post is really meaningless]

Feelin' You

I see something in you
Something nobody sees
I see yellow and blue
Yeah, the sunshine and the sea
When I think of love I think of you
Yeah it's my favourite thing to do
You're my missing puzzle piece
Yeah you are, perfect for me

You walk into a room
All eyes are on you
Everyone wants to know your name
Baby you make 'em swoon
Yeah baby you're so smooth
You take every breath I breathe away
I just wanna tell you baby
How much I am feelin' you

You, you, you, you, you
Yeah, you got your own rules
I don't mind playing your way
Baby take me to school
And I'll listen to every word you say

I'm right where I wanna be
Next to you standing next to me
Oh baby why don't you take my hand
And we'll walk to the other side
Where all we see is that love is blind
I think by now you understand
Just wanna tell you baby
How much I am feelin'...

ps: i am loving this song.

17th oct

before today, i already don't have much liking for china chinese citizens
after today, i really dislike them to the core.
they are so friggin' inconsiderate!
you think this is our own country can anyhow throw ur rubbish around arhs.
BLOODY BITCH.
was in school today, studying (and daydreaming),
as usual when the lecturer releases the class for breaks
lots of ppl flock out and sit on the benches outside.
on my bench sat 3 china bitch, they ate, talk and laugh like nobody business which i don't mind, because its their break. (i am reasonable too, ok)
but then when they left for lectures later, they never throw their rubbish away!
that pisses me off lo.
half eaten curry puff...
GROSS!
HELLO!!! THIS IS SINGAPORE, NOT CHINA where you can anyhow throw your rubbish.
GRR!
F*** LA!
i am so going to learn how to swear in chinese.

when i am stress i get irritated easily. HA.
too bad.

May is going to remove her toenail tmr,
cos its in a pretty bad shape after being stepped by someone. OUCH!
she's gonna cry for sure, and i am not there to see her cry. DAMN!
i wanna take photos of her crying and show the whole world.
Blog about it girl. haha.

bought that Impact brand of fresh mint. Peach flavoured.
after eating,
i feel like kissing someone...
haha.
the taste, the smell and the sweetness just lingers in your mouth, and you really got the urge to kiss someone lehs. HAHA
May asked what if i meet jer and eat that fresh mint,
*cover my mouth tight tight*
i don't know what i will do lehs. HAHA.
outrage his modesty.?! MUHAHAHA

ps: you rock my world

16th oct

had sushi ystd for tea...
and stuff myself till i was bloated.
went to sleep at 7 in the evening cos' i didn't want to see anymore food for dinner.
and guess what... i slept till 8am this morning... WOHOO!
13hrs, on a weekday. its a record.
i can sleep longer during weekends though. HAHA.

its tuesday...
i can see friday/saturday nearing... he is booking out lo... WOOOHOOOO!
his birthday is next week!
finish the card. got that present. YAAAHHHOOO!
now, how to celebrate? thats the big headache.

must meet jasmine and may together more often.
had fun. but they talk too much nonsense.
HA.

JAY CHOU's NEW SONG IS SO CUTE! so cowboy-ish.
haha.

ps: will all these be worthwhile? hope so.

photos - 14th oct

accompanied May to meet HuiLan, Valerie, Wei Chian, Perline and Jasmine at Punggol Park Bliss Cafe a few weeks ago. its good to see old sec sch friends again. the ambience was good, but i discovered a better place, at Bishan Park. HAHA


the messy one...


and the neat one.


i am talented in arts... HAHA.


his birthday card from Prints @ CityLink. have not complete with the inside of the card.


frisbee @ Bishan Park


AND SIM ULTIMATE WON! haha... WOOHOO!!!

not much pictures though. nothing much happened, and i forgot to take photos when there is something going on. duhs!

rainy sunday. moody.
i survived 2 weeks without seeing him. HAHA... *Applause!*
almost wanted to asked him out ystd, (all bcos of wk. tempt me)
sms-ed him but he could only make it after 1030pm, decided not to go as i am not sure what to do also.
probaby in another 2 weeks time when the first 2 papers are over.

please stop raining.
its making me feel slpy and moody.
its sunday. and i am feeling nasty as usual. HA

new york new york is good...
damn tired now.
frisbee... SIM WoN! YEAHS!
but the weather sucks.
kept on raining

gotta go NUH on the 22nd which the polyclinic referred me to
grr! a little worried now, cos i think there's some heredity thingy running in my family.
on my maternal side, my grandma died of heart failure, and i have CHD - congential heart disease. hmm... now my paternal side, kidney problem runs in their blood, cos lots of them had kidney related problems and now my grandma have something like "leukemia" - although its not confirm but its more or less in the cards.
now i am worried. cannot be so suay ba...
toto, 4d oso not so zun
just hoping i am thinking too much
anyway, finding someone to accompany me go, cos my mama not free on that day.
GRR!

be happy. thats very impt.
am i happy?
yes, kind of.

frisbee! - 13th oct

i am gg to watch frisbee later in the afternoon.
after that is new york new york for dinner!!
gonna be fat.

somehow i think i not gg to meet him this week
bcos... i oso dunno why. just don't feel like it.
and hope i don't regret later.

i think i must concentrate and focus on my studies, at least for now.
yes, i going to turn into a geek.
but its a pretty geek for sure.
HAHA.

weird - 12th oct

怪事年年有，今年特别多
something really freaky happen ystd.
was in school studying
and at about 4 plus
got this china girl sudden sat beside me.
of all the empty table
she chose to squeeze in with me! DUH!
nvm...
i was minding my own business when out of no where, for no apparent reason,
she grabbed my notes on the table and started flipping through it and blabbered loads of heavily accent chinese which i had no idea what it was.
HELLO, DO YOU HAVE ANY COURTESY, BLOODY CHINA BITCH. WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?!
she traumatised me. shocked beyond words.
i didn't know what to say, and if i started spewing vulgarities at her, she would not even understand.
how do you scold fucking bitch in chinese?
thats not even the end of her weird ass antics.
later she moved closer beside me and looked at what i was surfing on my laptop.
SOMEONE PLEASE SCREW THAT BITCH! its so irritating and scary can!

then ystd on my way home,
there was these very bad accident near MacRitchie.
was really bad. jammed all the way to i dunno where. but it was really long.

today morning,
got these two old couple quarreling at the carpark near my house.
real loud and the woman was literally beating and slaping that poor old guy.
these is like a so drama.
hAha... very interesting.

你是爱我的
am i right?
HAHA
erm... dun think so.

11th oct

is this coincidental or what?
i don't give a damn about it,
just don't irritate me.

i need sleep.

its pink and blue(my braces).

mugging.

i love america next top model(ANTM).
i like renee's hair.

ps: because of you, i don't know how to love anyone else.

this is bad - 10th oct

i don't know how to start.
things aren't right to begin with
my grandma has blood disorder, the doctor's primary diagnosis.
have to wait for further test to confirm the illness
this sounds bad, leukemia is probably in the cards.
hais.
hope things can brighten up.

i've got my own issues too.
but i think i am coping fine
as compared, i think my problems are really minor. haha...
the usually whinning of how much i am thinking about him,
what is he thinking up there and stupid stuff
that i think May have heard a zillion times of.
SORRY. (apologetic)
but i cannot help it...
next time you will understand,
probably that Sh--- guy.
MUHAHAHAA!!!

mugging mugging mugging.
hardwork is needed to be able to taste the sweetness of your labour!
no pain no gain.
WAY TO GO!!!

lastly...
still thinking about this saturday,
should i go out or not?
if i want, i must remember to sms him soon (tmr),
he is always very "w-o-l-s"
and...
photos will be up pretty soon i guess...
if i have the time.

this post is suppose to be depressing, i am breaking a bad news. but it ended a little cheery and perky. hmm... gonna go and cry a river.

seriously, i hope things are not as bad as i think it would be.

ps: daydreaming about possibilities, but it shall never happen in real life.
there's a difference between "reel" and "real" life.

the 7 days of the week - 8th oct

7 days of the week:
Monday - I SUPER HATE MONDAYS
Tuesday - I HATE TUESDAYS
Wednesday - I DON'T LIKE WEDNESDAYS
Thursday - I KINDA NOT LIKE THURSDAYS
Friday - I LIKE FRIDAYS
Saturday - I LOVE SATURDAYS
Sunday - THE SUCKIEST DAY OF THE WEEK

1 mocha and 1 hazlenut latte = i think i didn't do well for HMT

ps: you swept me of my feet, blew my mind away, made my heart skipped a beat and i fell in love with you.

7th oct

I AM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF NOW!
I'VE GOT A "CR" FOR MAB!!
its better than pass but i know i can do better than this!!
GRR!!

WORK HARD FOR EXAMS.

i think HMT is a gone case... seriously.

down - 7th oct

had one of the most boring weekend ever.
did not go out, other than having dinner with my grandma
just did not have the mood to do anything, or go anywhere.
GRR!
i hate it when i feel so down.
i think i know why, but... nvm
its personal.

gonna lead the most boring life for the next few weeks until all papers are over,
that will be 10nov,
very long way to go. MORE THAN A MTH!
i hate it. but what can i do?

gotta work very hard now,
don't want to regret later.
i want to taste the fruits of my labour - sweet.

ps: i am indeed feeling very lousy. very very lousy. i hate the way i am feeling now. and my life is in a mess. i've got nothing to look forward to everyday. its just blank and emptiness.

feel so depress suddenly.
more than depress i would say.
i don't know why.
PMS?
maybe.

HMT on monday,
but i've got no mood to do anything.
just wanna hide under those blanket and let the world pass by.
i don't want to go back to the past, neither face the present nor know the future.
i am just lost in this buzzling world.
if i can cry i would,
i am just disgusted with the world and with myself.



只要看你一眼一瞬间
哪怕是最后画面
我的世界
因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间
足够我熬过千年
我不后悔
爱若让末日提前
我们要一起
好好迎接那句点

ps: and i am very irritated by that guy! i am going to ignore you.

money - 5th oct

i found out that Tangs do carry Fred Perry
and its like freaking expensive!!!
i noe its expensive but to the extend that i could imagine!
a male polo tee would cost me a bomb... like $159!
ehs. i could buy that D&G perfume at taka!
i am so broke now,
somewhere and somehow i need to make more money.!

i am so proud of myself that i did not buy anything. WELL DONE!
need to save more so that i can spend when the holidays are here!!!

been blabbering rubbish with May the whole day while shopping
may says i am too free that i think about stupid things
correction: i am feeling empty.
i need a focus in my life besides school.

and you know what...
i came up with so many things to ask when he's not around
and when i am with him,
i am just so lost of words.
everything that i have been thinking about the whole week,
just sinks into my stomach
and its so hard to vomit them out.
GRR! whats happening??!!
seriously, i need to talk talk talk MORE the next time
yack like i haven been talking for years.
i am serious!

ps: am i worrying too much or is my intuition correct?

feel like killing them - 4th oct

if i can go back to the past
i would have definitely kill those historians.
Mayo, Taylor, Fayol, Gantt... blah blah blah

everytime when i study HMT
i will knock off no matter how awake i am b4 that.
studied in sch for about 5 hrs today.
slept for about 2hr30mins. studied for 1hr plus the rest of the time was spent starring into space wishing i could go back to centuries ago and kill these guys off.

ps: hold my hands, take me into your world and i will be yours forever.

take control. - 4th oct

i need to take control of everything in my life.
have been losing control over things and i really don't like it.
when i am not in control, i feel so helpless, uneasy and there are lots of unknowns.
i need to set goals and make sure i stick to them,
i need determination. I NEED CONTROL!

control freak? not really.
perfectionist? yes.

mugging period.

project!, test!, exams! - 3rd oct

in school now.
gonna camp in school today le...
got that damn HMT project to rush.
GRR! i hate it la.
due tmr and we are rushing to consolidate everything.
i don't like last minute work but its only then can i really feel the urgency to get things done, sit down and devote all the time i have to doing it.
still got HMT test next week. DUHS!

gotta buck up,
stay focus and put all other thoughts aside.
FOCUS! CONCENTRATE! DETERMINE! STUDY HARD!
i don't want t regret later when the result are out.

ps: why do important dates fall around the same period? and why is that period always the busiest and most stressful one?

2th oct

blogging on lappie and i am in school now.
got lesson at 2pm.
I AM SO TIRED AND SLEEPY!
lecture till 5pm.
i gonna die and rot in there.

medical red alert - 1st oct

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY!

i miss being a kid
no worries no stress.
just pure innocence.
but we all have to grow up,
although most of us don't feel like it. (me too)

anyway, i went to the polyclinic this afternoon to see the doc
regarding the lump on my neck that refuses to go away
did blood test and everything seems fine.
but the doctor was rather concern about the swelling and referred me to NUH ENT Dept.
HELLO NUH. another appt there again.
let me see...
i've got my dental, cardiology and cardiothoaric appt there. now ENT.
its like one of my "fav" hangout now.
i know that place inside out. hais.
now i am worried about whats happening to me.
the preliminary diagnosis was "swelling of lymph nodes"
darn. shld go google it to see...
hais. just pray hard its just a scare.

arghs
i feel like a weak bitch.
whinning and whinning non stop.
its only been 2 days since i saw him and now i am starting to miss him.
HATE THAT I LOVE YOU!
a few more days before he books out,
but i guess i can't meet him this week.
hmm...

ps: who knows if there is any Fred Perry boutique or anywhere that sells authentic Fred Perry apparels.?